ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
