Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I know her cup size but not her name....
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