I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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