I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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