And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
