Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
