hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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