just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
