dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
