finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
