Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
