i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Randomize
