By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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