Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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