the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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