I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
