Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
