I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I smell like Dick and happiness
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
