i need an iv and a liver transplant
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
