If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
