but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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