Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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