Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
