What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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