But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
