I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
