What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
