I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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