Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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