new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
