I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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