Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
