i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she peed on how many people?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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