I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
