Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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