with your own penis?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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