Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
