I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i now understand why vodka
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
