We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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