so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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