I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
