Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
