I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
