oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
