That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
