The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
