I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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