haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
