Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
