ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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