dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
is wine microwaveable?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
