sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
