The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
