have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
