Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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