I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize