why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she looked like the before picture.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
