Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
