i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
