I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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