So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Randomize
