SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
