I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
