I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
