My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just googled if crying burns calories
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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