Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
3pm strippers are depressing
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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