Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
