just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
