Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
