Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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