I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
