he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
