Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
