I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
nutella sex= disaster
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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